Misstuned

Mari has observed in her years on Earth that common courtesy and sense aren’t all that common.

Mari has been annoyed by her experience with comment etiquette in the last few weeks. So much in fact that Mari felt the need to write an essay post on it.

Comments on Your Site

This is everyone’s favorite part: getting comments on their own site. It’s awesome, isn’t it? People are not only noticing what you’re writing, but responding to it. Oh, joy! It’s the ultimate ego stroke.

So-so Comments

But, what about when you get comments that just don’t add to the discussion or have nothing to say? What about those so-so comments? Let’s face it, we all get them at times, even if we’d rather be nice about it, we don’t like them.

Deleting comments you don’t like is the rudest possible answer. Mari strongly advises you not to delete any comments ever unless they’re caught by Akismet, or attack your other visitors without any intelligent thought. How to deal with attacks directed toward yourself will be explained in a post next week¹. Deleting a comment is saying that person is not valid. That they are stupid. And that’s just another method of insulting your visitor.

Another slightly less rude (but still rude in most cases) alternative is to respond to the comment within your own comments and tell them in a semi-polite manner that you either didn’t understand what they said and would like them to elaborate, or straight out that you didn’t appreciate their two-word comment (if you’re like that²). If they simply left something opposing your opinion, you should respond in a calm, collected manner with something intelligent and researched.

Intelligent, calm debate in comments can be very good for you. If the topic is too explosive to respond to publicly, you may wish to take it to a private email. Just as in public comments, be cool. Don’t be the jackass (four legs and a tail) that has no idea what they’re talking about and just sounds like they’re losing their mind. Research any facts you state, and don’t outright tell the other person they’re wrong. Soften your sentences by using weaker verbs and think about whether what you’re going to say could be taken as offensive. Remember, this is the Internet. The recipient cannot hear your voice and cannot judge what you are feeling from the tone of your voice.

Awesome Comments

Now, everyone loves these. Those comments that respond to your entire post and have something very important to say. Now, Mari bets you’re thinking, “What do I have to do about these? There’s nothing wrong with them…” But you do have to take action when you get good comments. In order not to seem like a mean site owner who only wants comments and never gives them, you have to return comments. If there’s a question in the comment, it’s an absolute must.

To properly do this, you should have the Comment Email Responder WordPress plug-in enabled, just in case the commenter you’re responding to doesn’t decide to check back at your site, they still see your response in their inbox ³.

Responding to comments well involves both answering them on your site and commenting on their site as a thank you. It not only spreads your link (unless they don’t follow), but is quite the appreciated social grace. Mari was super-happy when she got even a 4-second notice from Photomatt⁴ It’s a really nice thing to do. It makes you look like a nice person⁵.

Commenting on Other’s Sites

This is just as important if not the most important part of commenting etiquette. It creates back links and begins forging your online reputation. How you behave on others sites is the biggest reflection on you aside from your posts.

The Ideal Comment

The ideal comment on someone else’s site has substance. It adds to the discussion of the topic and possibly amuses the author or requires them to answer a question. It creates a connection between yourself, the author of the post, and the other commentators.

Usually, a good rule of thumb is to respond to every important point in the post. For example, if a person writes a seven page long post detailing a breakup, you shouldn’t respond with a one-liner like “Oh, that’s so awful. I’m so sorry to hear that! Cyal8ter plz visit mah site!” Most people would slap you in the face if you did that. Instead, we would try for something more like, “Why would your significant other break up like that? I had that happen to me once…it’s just awful. I know how you feel. Here, have a cookie and a hug. Remember, you’re better off without them! You’re much stronger than you realize, and they really lost something awesome.”

Another good mini-rule is to respond to their post like you’d want them to respond to your post. Good comments get good responses (sometimes). If you leave well-rounded comments, other bloggers are more likely to really read one of your posts thoroughly and offer their thoughts.

Now, this should probably go without saying, but proper spelling and grammar is a must. If the author has trouble reading your comment, they’re probably not going to appreciate it as much. It’s hard to fathom for some, but not everyone likes or uses net speak. Unless you’re texting or instant messaging, net speak is a thing to avoid using, unless it’s something very widely known, like “LOL”. Mari shouldn’t have to say this, but spelling like you are 4 years old is not cute or cool. It’s just confusing⁶.

Being rude in comments is always a bad idea. “Flaming” people just makes you look like an eternal moron with nothing better to do. It makes people think you have something wrong with you in the head Seriously, what’s making you so irritable that you feel the need to yell at someone you’ve never even met on the Internet? THE INTERNET. Go take a walk or meditate rather than “flaming” someone or making yourself look stupid. It not only turns a negative emotion into a positive one, but there’s a better chance that you’ll think of a way to make your stress go away permanently rather than just unleash it momentarily on some poor writer.

The Un-Comment-Ables

No, this post isn’t going to turn into an unendingly-cool movie. Sorry. This is talking about those sites that have so little content that you just can’t find anything to say. Those posts that consist of “ehy i kant upd8 my site much im so sory guyz!!!! xoxo”

Mari may be a mean girl for this, but if Mari is assigned to them from Despair, Mari leaves them a comment of just as much quality of their post. If they can’t take the time to write, they don’t have the time to read Mari’s mile-long comments.

What about you? What are your rules for commenting and receiving comments?

¹ That post will be linked to when it’s posted.
² Mari does this sometimes even though it’s rude. Mari’s just a rude girl…
³ Sorry, Cutenews, B2, Textpattern, Movable Type, and Greymatter users, Mari knows of no equivalent for your platforms.
⁴ Mari is a MORON, though. Mari screamed like a fangirl. Mari screamed like a schoolgirl for 15 minutes the other day over fanservice in a PV.
⁵ Even if you aren’t. Mari needs to learn to practice what she knows she’s going to preach…
⁶ And it makes people think you are an idiot.